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We have adventures.

You may want to join our next staycation if . . .

  • You think it would be fun riding in the front of a canoe steered by someone almost completely ignorant of what they’re doing. Not quite completely ignorant, because Dad gave us a Paddling 101 seminar in the backyard the night before we went, so we had some dry practice. At least we knew what the different strokes were called. No one capsized . . . the first day.
  • You know what to do when your canoe is floating backward down the river.
  • You love eating squeeze cheese and crackers on the beach for lunch. Also nutella and nilla wafers. We like well-rounded picnic lunches, and nothing’s rounder than Ritz and nilla wafers!
  • You have the dedication to count up to 65 turtles.
  • Your main concern when someone actually does capsize is that the dried apricots are no longer dried. Oh, also Mom and Ben are fine.
  • You think it would be exciting to be on the river when a thunderstorm begins.
  • You love huddling under bushes trying to stay dry, but you don’t mind getting back on the river while it’s still raining if that’s what it takes.
  • You won’t freak out when you realize that the daylight you have left may not be quite as long as you need.
  • You don’t mind when your 10-year-old brother stops paddling so he can break out his binoculars.
  • You feel comfortable riding a river in a modified milk jug.
  • You know how to clean my hat. It fell in the river, then I stepped on it. Help me? It used to be white. . .
  • You don’t mind using sunscreen that expired over a year ago. It looks like mayonnaise, but who am I to say that’s not what it’s supposed to look like?
  • You don’t mind it when you can hear other restaurant patrons counting the number of children in your party. “Did you see that family? There are so many of them!”
  • You think that an 18-mile round-trip bike ride with two children under 11 is a perfect idea.
  • You know how to carry 7 bikes, a chariot, a dainty bike basket, and an air pump (it will be necessary) in/on the back of an Astro van.
  • You find it adventuresome when one of the bike tires will only stay full of air for 5 minute stretches, max. Let’s just keep going, guys . . . we’re almost to the bridge!
  • You don’t get embarrassed by eating cheese puffs on the side of the trail. Even when attractive cyclists pass you as you’re licking your cheese puff dusty fingers. (That wasn’t me, btdubs. No names will be named, but it wasn’t me.)
  • You cover your bike’s intertube with tape hoping to stop the leak, but it doesn’t work.
  • You’re a man and you’re willing to run alongside a pretty pink bike (it’s not holding any air, remember?) for five miles so the family can all get back to the van.
  • You go to the shut-ins to play in the water, and instead you spend the first fifteen minutes pretending the water is lava, so you don’t even get wet. (I only lost one foot!)
  • You think it’s more fun to try to climb up the rapids than to slide down them.
  • Your definition of “almost drowning” is “very nearly getting my neck wet.” (If this is true for you, you can join us as the 8-year-old of the trip.) Related: you would rather walk around the still water, 2 feet deep max, holding someone’s hand, than play in waterfalls. Stinkin’ actual waterfalls. What is cooler than that?! (Again, you’re now the 8-year-old.)
  • You like discussing Beauty and the Beast over backyard campfires.
  • You think nutella s’mores sound like the best idea EVER.
  • You know that the adventures will continue all summer.

If any or all of these statements apply to you, you may want to consider joining the Brown Family Corpse of Wild Adventurers and Explorers (BFCWAE)! Official application forms may be obtained by request.

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3 thoughts on “We have adventures.”

  1. That sounds like so much fun!!!!! I am hoping to go on similar adventures this summer, though I – sadly – don’t have as many siblings and all of mine are “grown up” now. I am hoping to borrow siblings.

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