College is Strange, In the Library

A Very Condensed List of Things I Don’t Understand

I have a lot of questions. Bonus points if you can answer them for me.

  1. Why am I addicted to saving dryer sheets? Seriously. I can’t seem to keep myself from re-using them. Mom got me an entire box before I came to college, and I’ve barely dented it. Someone help me. I’m a dryer sheet hoarder.
  2. Why is the white crayon the most used crayon I possess? That makes absolutely zero sense. You could say it’s because I colored a wedding picture for Jenna, but it was while getting my crayons out to color that picture that I noticed this strange fact. Twinsie #2–bless her heart–sent me the crayons in the mail, which means they were new last semester, which means that at some point in the past few months I rabidly used a white crayon. What am I, crazy?
  3. Who designs air freshener to look like yogurt? On a related note, who designs air freshener to smell like cough syrup? On another related note, who put a sign on the bathroom door warning library patrons not to eat the yogurt?
  4. What happened to the legs of Jenna’s pinata?
  5. What’s written on the inside of the box in which we keep the International Bulletin of Missionary Research archives, and who wrote it?
  6. What happened to that stick of butter I had in the freezer?
  7. I want to make brownies. Real ones, not brown letter “E”s this time. Though that was pretty fun. Ok, so this isn’t a question. It’s just how I’m feeling.
  8. Why do those guys sit at that table in the corner all the time? I feel judged whenever I get ketchup refills. Which happens whenever I get ketchup fills. Because I always underestimate my love of ketchup, and that is a fact.
  9. Why am I so mean to Katie? I actually like her a lot.
  10. Why do I do whatever anyone tells me to do?
    Example A, an evening in the library
    Kristen: Betsy, take Matthew’s wallet and put it in that drawer! Quick, while he’s not looking!
    Me: Uh, yes Kristen!
    (Twenty seconds later)
    Me: Wait. Why on earth did I just do that? That’s stupid!
    Kristen: Too late.

    Example B, an evening in the dining hall
    Me: Oooh. Ice cream. I want ice cream. But I’m not eating any.
    Tim: You should eat some.
    Me: No I shouldn’t. That is bad for me.
    Tim: Get some ice cream. (stares judgementaly until I feel terrible for not listening to him command)
    Me: No! Who even asked you to sit at this table?
    Tim: (walks away dejectedly)
    Twenty seconds later
    Tim: Betsy, since you made me feel bad, you have to go get ice cream now.
    Me: Fine!!!! Okay! Whatever!
    Twenty seconds later
    Me: Wait, why am I eating this?
    Tim: Because I told you to.

Please, folks, I need a lot of help.


6 thoughts on “A Very Condensed List of Things I Don’t Understand”

  1. #4: Jenna stuck one in you suitcase, you brought it home, it floated around the house for a month, and I eventually threw it away, contrary to the zeitgeist.
    #1: You’re showing your survival instincts. Don’t suppress it; someday when you’re freezing to death somewhere, they’ll come in handy.
    #2: Because you’re RACIST!!! Hahaha… Sorry, couldn’t resist that one 🙂
    #8: They’re insecure. They feel the need to not be out in the open. Or, they might really like ketchup too.
    #3: Someone who gets way too much money to do it. Excepting the last one, of course.

    1. ET EM. You never gave us bonus points for our excellent answers. I, for one, think I deserve at least 1/4 of a point for #4, because that is actually what happened to one of the pinata legs. Also, my apologies for answer #2–I would remove it now if I could…

      1. Plus MAYBE another 1/4 of a point for working zeitgeist into my answer? Simply verbalisn’.

  2. #1 cause your mom does #2 you have a pure heart #4 when I removed a board from the table today (because I have so few children at home) the leg was shoved in a gap under the table??? #6 ruth isn’t there, so she didn’t eat it #8 ketchup has natural mellowing agents, give some ketchup to the boys at the table #9 your momma didn’t teach you that # 10 JUST STOP IT

  3. So basically, using the white crayon shows that you’re a sensitive soul who sees beauty and potential in those outcasts who are often overlooked by society. And for that, I truly love you.

    As for the ketchup thing… Ew, ketchup. Maybe that’s the look they’re giving you. Or maybe they’re blinded by your resplendant beauty… probably both… Or maybe you could just get more ketchup.

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