My last post was rather full of randomness and ramblings, so I decided to write this one in a more organized fashion. So I sat down and typed out this title: feeling blessed. Because I am, very much, and I want to thank all the people who have blessed me in so many ways.
However…now that I’m taking the time to actually write it…I’m really not quite feeling the whole “blessed” thing. I’m actually feeling more depressed than blessed. My big brother is home on a weekend surprise visit…so almost my entire family is hanging out without me. I don’t get to see any of them until Thanksgiving. Vincent, the older brother of one of my students this summer, still hasn’t found a host family and I promised to help him. Mr. Song even called me from China yesterday morning to beg me to find someone, and so far I just can’t. I’m worried about school; I don’t know if I’ll be able to make good grades in psychology and math and sociology. I talked with a friend in Papua New Guinea last night and realized I won’t get to actually see her again for like four years. I don’t know where I should go to church or what I should do for my practical Christian service. Also, my roommate just told me really depressing things about Dr. Seuss. And I want to listen to Ramin Karimloo and I don’t think I can according to the Servant’s Staff. My foot hurts from an intense game of spoons, I’m tired, and I just don’t “feel blessed.”
But I guess the cool thing is that I don’t have to live by my feelings. Like momma always said, “Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things.” What is true?It’s certainly true that Jesus Christ has saved me. It’s true that I’m at a great school where I can learn really exciting things. It’s true that God provided a super exciting library job for me. It’s true that I have God’s presence with me always. It’s true that I’m free to worship, and there are a lot of Bible-loving people in this area to worship with. It’s true that God is in control of Vincent’s situation, wants to see him saved more than I do, and is powerful enough to provide a host family. It’s true that God will give me wisdom when I ask for it, even for psychology and math. It’s true that I got to talk to both of my sisters and chat with two of my brothers and talk to both of my parents this week. It’s true that I’ve made a lot of friends here. It’s true that God is with me right now.
Yeah, I’m feeling a little down today. But that doesn’t change the glorious truths in my life, and through the Holy Spirit, I can choose to meditate on those. So I think instead of blogging more today, I’m going to go find a quiet place (read: NOT my dorm) to fellowship with my God. Some other day I’ll tell you all more specifically about all the ways I’ve been blessed and say thanks to y’all. But for now, I’m going to change this title, and go meditate on God’s truths.
Have a blessed Sunday, everyone.